Ah, such pain
Ah, such sorrow
​Ah, such grieving (all over again)
As I held you, my precious ones
In my arms and cried
Cried for things that should have been
For those I lost because of sin
(The sin of my abortion,
that ruined my body
from carrying you all full term)
I ache, I grieve so deep within!

Yet, God, in His sovereign grace
Allowed me to 'see' you, 'feel' your presence
​then, in LOVE He erased
ALL guilt - ALL doubt - ALL shame
Reminding me of the power of His Name!
For in Him I am whole, and completely set free
...Free to love, free to be what He desires me to be!

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Rachel's Vineyard was so very much more to me than healing from my forced abortion - they graciously allowed me to include all of my babies - out of 10 pregnancies, I have 2 children with me here on earth. The 7 pregnancies that I miscarried (due to the damage inside - post abortion - the last one a set of twins), and that was such a time of grieving and healing for me.

They gave us each one of the little grieving dolls for our children - I had a total of 10 (as you can see from the above photo). One was Jimmy, my aborted son, my grandson, Diante Jeremiah who died just before delivery, and my miscarriages . . . it was SO powerful. The Lord, in His incredible love for me allowed me to see them playing in His presence with such joy! He even allowed me to know what they were so I was able to name them with the names my husband and I had chosen but never used. There was a surprise also, which I do not feel the freedom to discuss just now, perhaps someday. Their names are:
  • ​Rachael
  • Seth
  • Glenn-Raymond
  • Abigail
  • Bobby Ray Jr.
  • Jaylee
  • and my twins, Suzy & Danny
I ended up grieving DEEPLY - not that I hadn't grieved at the time of each devastating loss - in fact, after the memorial service my precious hubby held me literally for around 20 minutes as I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed! But it brought forth an incredible healing to my heart to have named them, written each one a brief note and kiss them good-bye . . . until we meet again in Glory!
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