Lesson 4 - Do I Have Any Unforgiveness Towards God?

As we wrapped up our last lesson, we were taking a good strong HONEST REFLECTION at our lives, and any areas of unforgiveness we may have towards others. Today I would like us to examine our heart even deeper. Let us go to that place inside where we go when we think about our broken dreams, shattered promises, changed plans.

List out some of your deepest heart aches:

Do I now, or did I then, feel that God was being unfair?
[   ] Yes     [   ] No

If you answered yes to the above question, list out (in full detail) your feelings:

Okay, for most of us to actually be totally open and honest about our feelings of anger towards the things that God has allowed, or NOT allowed in our lives, is a very difficult thing. Something which many will never take the time to do, yet it is a very important part of freeing ourselves to live in accordance with God's Word on forgiveness! You may be asking "why" or "does God need our forgivenss"? No, God does NOT need our forgiveness, but we do need to be honest with Him about our feelings. Are you hesitant to share with Him those areas that you feel hurt, held back, or disappointed by what your life has brought you? Let us take a look at what God's Word has to say about this:1 Chronicles 28:9 & Psalm 94:11

Based upon what we've just read - what does God know already about us?

A short while ago we learned that harboring feelings of anger, bitterness, wrath, etc. hinder our own growth. If that is the case, which it IS based upon God's Word, then we also need to free ourselves up totally . . . including any negative feelings we may have been harboring against God. We may not even have been aware that we were doing it . . . remember our illustration about conflict with out forgivenss? If we've been "let down" or our dreams have been shattered, or plans changed to take a totally different direction than we'd hoped for, and we HAVE been angry, but never opened up to the Lord about it, we may have been guilty "resigning ourselves" without actually freeing our soul through forgiveness and allowing ouselves to fully worship God! We may, very unwillingly, have granted satan a foothold in our lives. Given him permission to create more doubt, fear, and / or anxiety.Why am I sharing this with you? Am I speaking "off the cuff" here? Dear ones, I had so much anger, and bitterness towards God it was really holding me back from life itself. So deeply wounded by circumstances, angry at results of what should have been blessings but that had, instead, turned into tragedies. Did I still worship? Well, I thought I did. Was I still a Christian? Yes, I believe so; but, was I at peace with God? Was I living a life of faith and trust? No. I had let the enemy of my soul continue to place more and more doubts into my thinking . . . perhaps I was too bad a person, perhaps I deserved it, etc. When I woke up to the Truth of God's Word, and the fact that I need to forgive to be free in our relationship and in our worship . . . well, I most certainly struggled with "being real" before the Lord. But I was. I poured out my heart before Him, I cried, I yelled, I stomped, I probably even threw something, but I let Him know each and every area of anger and bitterness and doubt that had been building up in my heart for years. I ended my tantrum / pity party with true brokeness . . . I was NOT telling Him anything He did not already know! He just wanted to hear me be honest with Him.

I made a choice. After I had poured out my heart to Him, I choose to forgive Him. I choose to trust in His will in each and every one of those areas. Did He need me to do that? Again, No. Did I need me to do that? YES! I can not tell you how freeing it was, but it did not stop there . . . it was a very humbling experience and I realized that I needed to forgive myself for not being honest with Him before. For allowing the anger and bitterness to grow. For allowing satan to get a foothold. I ended up on my face before my Maker, not only forgiving Him, but asking Him to forgive me for being angry and hateful towards the things He allowed in my life. It was a time of total brokenness for me, yet completely freeing. The intimate relationship with my Savior as a result of my openness is something that I just can not describe.

During this next week, take time to seek your own heart for areas that perhaps you have hidden (become resigned to) and bring them before the Lord. Choose to forgive. Choose to be free!