This free script provided by JavaScript Kit |
Briefly, to give you a 'synopsis' . . . our relationship was COMPLETELY God ordained, God directed and IS God blessed! Through these writings you will get to know just how detail oriented God is and how very much HE cares for us. Even those times when we do not even imagine that we would want something, He is in the planning business for His own purposes - His glory - and for the furthering of His Kingdom.
It will contain step by step 'how' it all began as well as the journey along the way - including arguments with God about what He was trying to do. With complete honesty . . . this is our story:
It will contain step by step 'how' it all began as well as the journey along the way - including arguments with God about what He was trying to do. With complete honesty . . . this is our story:
Karin:
After saying 'farewell' to her ministry partner of eight and a half years (9, if you count the time partnered online prior to 'in person' ministering together), Karin decided to take a year off to really seek the Lord. Should she stay in Arkansas where the ministry was at, with The KingsHighway Refuge Center / Joseph's Storehouse? Or should she head back up north to Illinois where her husband was in a nursing home to be near him, her son and grandchildren? Or was she to go back to California where she came from originally? What was she to do?
Leaving The Refuge Center in the hands of two other ministry partners in May of 2008 she headed up to Mid-Illinois, across from St Louis to spend a week with adopted, spiritual parents. From there she went up for two weeks to visit her family in northern Illinois. She really felt the Lord saying that she was not to return to Arkansas except a few times a year to help with fund-raisers for The Refuge Center, so she headed out on her 'search' with the following criteria in mind.
California was out of the question. Yes her 'home' church is still there (the one she attended from 1970 until she moved back to the mid-west), and there were several options for Mariah, BUT the cost of living was just way too much to even consider a move out there.
Northern Illinois by her family had a great church not too far from the nursing home where her husband was. There were affordable apartments close by and she would only be about an hour away from her son and grandchildren, however, no place even within a 200 mile radius with the type of care for her daughter to be moved. So - back to the St Louis area - 7 hours drive from where her family was, but it had a church that 4-Given Ministries had been involved with over the years and she had a place to stay "for as long as you need" with her adopted family AND there was a facility within about a 45 minute drive. That is where she felt the 'criteria' was met and where she was meant to be.
4-Given Ministries opened up an office in Belleview, IL and she settled in - taking classes online, continuing writing and other aspects of the ministry outreaches, jumping in with both feet to numerous areas of helping at Alpha and Omega Church in Collinsville, Illinois. She was content. Until the holidays . . .
'Ma and Pa Duncan', her adopted spiritual parents, opened up their hearts and there home for her just as if she were their biological daughter. It was amazing. They were such wonderful, loving, nurturing folk . . . they had a relationship with one another that showed Karin something she had never before experienced . . . tenderness and respect and a God-founded, solid relationship. Karin felt something stir deep within her heart. A cry came up out of nowhere, 'why can't I ever have something like that?' (I guess I should back up here and say that in September during a visit to her husband in the nursing home he was in, she was informed that he 'felt he was to marry_______', so she took off her rings and released him.) But, although she did have those fleeting thoughts / desires of having a relationship like that she was completely content to stay, as she likes to put it, "Just Jesus and me."
God had other plans in mind and started bombarding her (day and night, it seemed) with the phrase "eHarmony"!
Leaving The Refuge Center in the hands of two other ministry partners in May of 2008 she headed up to Mid-Illinois, across from St Louis to spend a week with adopted, spiritual parents. From there she went up for two weeks to visit her family in northern Illinois. She really felt the Lord saying that she was not to return to Arkansas except a few times a year to help with fund-raisers for The Refuge Center, so she headed out on her 'search' with the following criteria in mind.
- There HAD to be a church that she could fit well with - strong Biblical stance, ministry opportunities, etc.
- There HAD to be a place close by for her daughter, Mariah (she needs full-time care)
- There HAD to be job opportunities
California was out of the question. Yes her 'home' church is still there (the one she attended from 1970 until she moved back to the mid-west), and there were several options for Mariah, BUT the cost of living was just way too much to even consider a move out there.
Northern Illinois by her family had a great church not too far from the nursing home where her husband was. There were affordable apartments close by and she would only be about an hour away from her son and grandchildren, however, no place even within a 200 mile radius with the type of care for her daughter to be moved. So - back to the St Louis area - 7 hours drive from where her family was, but it had a church that 4-Given Ministries had been involved with over the years and she had a place to stay "for as long as you need" with her adopted family AND there was a facility within about a 45 minute drive. That is where she felt the 'criteria' was met and where she was meant to be.
4-Given Ministries opened up an office in Belleview, IL and she settled in - taking classes online, continuing writing and other aspects of the ministry outreaches, jumping in with both feet to numerous areas of helping at Alpha and Omega Church in Collinsville, Illinois. She was content. Until the holidays . . .
'Ma and Pa Duncan', her adopted spiritual parents, opened up their hearts and there home for her just as if she were their biological daughter. It was amazing. They were such wonderful, loving, nurturing folk . . . they had a relationship with one another that showed Karin something she had never before experienced . . . tenderness and respect and a God-founded, solid relationship. Karin felt something stir deep within her heart. A cry came up out of nowhere, 'why can't I ever have something like that?' (I guess I should back up here and say that in September during a visit to her husband in the nursing home he was in, she was informed that he 'felt he was to marry_______', so she took off her rings and released him.) But, although she did have those fleeting thoughts / desires of having a relationship like that she was completely content to stay, as she likes to put it, "Just Jesus and me."
God had other plans in mind and started bombarding her (day and night, it seemed) with the phrase "eHarmony"!
Frank:
As I learned more about what it means to live a life which brings glory and honor to God after my Prodigal son experience I quickly learned that the woman I was married to was not at all keen as I was to pursue what this meant. In fact this intense interest of mine probably was the straw to break the back as far as her determining that we had to get divorced. For her part she had been living the American dream of furthering her education in order to secure better employment. In this she succeeded exactly as she had aspired. While she was working to provide money for rent and groceries she also attended adult education classes – eventually landing a position as an assistant fashion designer. Her husband (yours truly) on the other hand used his free time getting high on marijuana and drinking away any money he could had saved for a better life. For the first time in his life he was able to pursue being a drug addict nearly full time. That is why I had no interest in any religion thank you very much.
This freedom actually had me enslaved though I would have argued all day that I was not. I was hopelessly addicted and without any hope beyond my next high. What a waste. I had been drummed out of the Navy because I had had a nervous breakdown two days after beginning booth camp. In my formative years I lived a lie all through high school. Without any friends or a real meaningful relationship with my parents. Parents do not make the mistake my parents did as far as only paying lip service to God. I wanted to believe, but what I seen at home left me empty and confused. In order to not become problematic I went through the motions of “staying out of trouble” and following “home rules”. Otherwise there was hell to pay. Literally. So for years and years I just “stuffed it”. Incredibly I do not know how I did it – year after year after year.
One day a friend asked me to smoke some dope with him. Having nothing else going on I did. Talk about the perfect storm – I found a means to medicate my painful and pitiful existence which I pursued with a passion. That became the center of my life for the next seven to eight years. Of course you know where that eventually dead ended. With an ambulance ride to the nearest emergency room as they tried to stop the bleeding.
After my wife and I divorced I went back to that zoo which I used to call home. There was no real Christian love there. Only legalistic hoop jumping and more of the same make-believe which I grew up in as a child. What I needed was real Biblical discipleship. A mature Christian mentor would have also helped me to grab hold of the truth I needed to live in honest relationship to my Lord Jesus.
Incredibly, though I had not specifically prayed for these helps God provided exactly what I was so desperate for when I began to search for a “devout Christian woman” at eharmony.com. It is difficult to qualify or explain my desperation when I began “meeting” Christian women at this web site, but I had by this time been living a bachelors life since the early 80's. On the one hand I was trying to measure up to my perceptions of what I thought God expected from me, and on the other I was still stumbling into sin I knew was keeping me from a real relationship with God. I was addicted to nicotine though supposedly my family at home did their part to ignore the obvious. Grabbing a hold of Psalm 37:4 – “Love the Lord with all of your heart, and He will give you the desires of your heart” – I made a vow to God that if He would connect with a real Christian who I could love and who would love me in return that I would put away my cigarettes forever.
How did I know I would / could do such a thing? To stop smoking cigarettes? I had tried to stop smoking before, but it was impossible. But I dared to believe that God wanted me whole. He wanted me to be wholly His. More than that, He wanted me to be Holy. He did not want me to be alone. He had always planned for me to be married to live a life dedicated to His glory. I knew this, but I didn't know how I would do it without a “pea princess” at my side. She would be a God fearing lady who loved Jesus above all else, even me. She would not compromise her Christian principles for trivial worldly pursuits. She was a lady who lived to give God glory in all she did and said. And of course she would only consider marrying a Christian who believed just as she did!
This was my vow to God. If such a woman was out there I would give my life to Him by the same measure.
This freedom actually had me enslaved though I would have argued all day that I was not. I was hopelessly addicted and without any hope beyond my next high. What a waste. I had been drummed out of the Navy because I had had a nervous breakdown two days after beginning booth camp. In my formative years I lived a lie all through high school. Without any friends or a real meaningful relationship with my parents. Parents do not make the mistake my parents did as far as only paying lip service to God. I wanted to believe, but what I seen at home left me empty and confused. In order to not become problematic I went through the motions of “staying out of trouble” and following “home rules”. Otherwise there was hell to pay. Literally. So for years and years I just “stuffed it”. Incredibly I do not know how I did it – year after year after year.
One day a friend asked me to smoke some dope with him. Having nothing else going on I did. Talk about the perfect storm – I found a means to medicate my painful and pitiful existence which I pursued with a passion. That became the center of my life for the next seven to eight years. Of course you know where that eventually dead ended. With an ambulance ride to the nearest emergency room as they tried to stop the bleeding.
After my wife and I divorced I went back to that zoo which I used to call home. There was no real Christian love there. Only legalistic hoop jumping and more of the same make-believe which I grew up in as a child. What I needed was real Biblical discipleship. A mature Christian mentor would have also helped me to grab hold of the truth I needed to live in honest relationship to my Lord Jesus.
Incredibly, though I had not specifically prayed for these helps God provided exactly what I was so desperate for when I began to search for a “devout Christian woman” at eharmony.com. It is difficult to qualify or explain my desperation when I began “meeting” Christian women at this web site, but I had by this time been living a bachelors life since the early 80's. On the one hand I was trying to measure up to my perceptions of what I thought God expected from me, and on the other I was still stumbling into sin I knew was keeping me from a real relationship with God. I was addicted to nicotine though supposedly my family at home did their part to ignore the obvious. Grabbing a hold of Psalm 37:4 – “Love the Lord with all of your heart, and He will give you the desires of your heart” – I made a vow to God that if He would connect with a real Christian who I could love and who would love me in return that I would put away my cigarettes forever.
How did I know I would / could do such a thing? To stop smoking cigarettes? I had tried to stop smoking before, but it was impossible. But I dared to believe that God wanted me whole. He wanted me to be wholly His. More than that, He wanted me to be Holy. He did not want me to be alone. He had always planned for me to be married to live a life dedicated to His glory. I knew this, but I didn't know how I would do it without a “pea princess” at my side. She would be a God fearing lady who loved Jesus above all else, even me. She would not compromise her Christian principles for trivial worldly pursuits. She was a lady who lived to give God glory in all she did and said. And of course she would only consider marrying a Christian who believed just as she did!
This was my vow to God. If such a woman was out there I would give my life to Him by the same measure.
Karin:
And so my struggle (honestly, arguments with God) began. I started feeling so uncomfortable that I actually started staying at my office on a blow up mattress even though I had my own bedroom (quite comfortable) at Ma and Pa Duncan's home. They were SO much in love, so wonderful with one another that I 'felt' that 1 - I might be interfering in their life (a lie of the enemy for sure!) and 2 - maybe that voice, that insistent prompting of 'eHarmony' would stop if I was no longer around the example of a loving couple (another lie).
That did not work - I did still eat my meals with them and stay there from time to time, but by December of 2008 I had finally said, "Okay, Lord, I hear You! I am NOT happy with going to eHarmony at all, but if You will just let me alone!!! PLEASE!!!" So, I signed up with eHarmony, took their 39 compatibility match-up survey/test and then had over 150 matches. Of course, I let them sit there and did not respond! I did NOT want to be there, to look into any relationship. I was, after all, happy with it just being Jesus and me. Ah, but God . . . He did not leave me alone . . . I kept hearing His loving heart speak into mine, "trust Me, daughter" . . . what could I do but start responding.
In January of 2009 I finally broke down and started to 'look' at some of the matches. Okay, so a few of them were possible . . . one was over in St Louis, right across the river from me. We went bowling with his son and to dinner a few times, but our faith walks were of a different nature and we both truly felt that we could be friends but no relationship. We still keep in touch, but that is all. I remember looking at the questions (the boxes you were to check off to start sending communications "safely" through the eHarmony site) and thinking to myself, "you've GOT to be kidding me?!" I was over 50 and I was not interested in petty things - I WAS interested in meeting someone that would be Christ-oriented. With serving God as my MAIN goal and priority in life, I just could not see myself going through the humdrum question and answers of 'dating/getting to know you' that was presented to me. I wanted to turn the computer off, but heard that prompting "scroll down". I did. I found a place where I could form my own personal questions - HALLELUJAH! - here is what He prompted me to ask:
Well, that cleared the list down fairly quickly. You see, many folk claim to be Christian, and I believe they believe they are. They may have made a decision to ask Jesus into their lives, but then that was it. They may go to church regularly, but on a day to day basis they live life as everyone else on the planet. They may truly love God, but their lives do not reflect Him as their first priority and for me that IS the ONLY thing worth anything in my life. If I were to get together with someone, we would need to be able to come alongside one another in complete surrender of our lives in ministry unto the Lord. God always had to come first!
There was one 'match' that truly did match up line per line . . . but . . . he had so many negative comments about himself and no photo posted anywhere (not that looks matter to me) that I was beginning to wonder if he was a cross between Frankenstein and the Hunchback of Notre Dame! Every question I asked, he responded in kind. However, I was still not too keen on the idea of being with anyone and wanted to quit, but again, I heard my Lord whisper, "trust Me daughter", so I kept on. By February we were emailing directly to one another - he even send me a CD and a card (which still hangs in our bathroom today) about faith and trusting in the wait for Valentines Day.
That did not work - I did still eat my meals with them and stay there from time to time, but by December of 2008 I had finally said, "Okay, Lord, I hear You! I am NOT happy with going to eHarmony at all, but if You will just let me alone!!! PLEASE!!!" So, I signed up with eHarmony, took their 39 compatibility match-up survey/test and then had over 150 matches. Of course, I let them sit there and did not respond! I did NOT want to be there, to look into any relationship. I was, after all, happy with it just being Jesus and me. Ah, but God . . . He did not leave me alone . . . I kept hearing His loving heart speak into mine, "trust Me, daughter" . . . what could I do but start responding.
In January of 2009 I finally broke down and started to 'look' at some of the matches. Okay, so a few of them were possible . . . one was over in St Louis, right across the river from me. We went bowling with his son and to dinner a few times, but our faith walks were of a different nature and we both truly felt that we could be friends but no relationship. We still keep in touch, but that is all. I remember looking at the questions (the boxes you were to check off to start sending communications "safely" through the eHarmony site) and thinking to myself, "you've GOT to be kidding me?!" I was over 50 and I was not interested in petty things - I WAS interested in meeting someone that would be Christ-oriented. With serving God as my MAIN goal and priority in life, I just could not see myself going through the humdrum question and answers of 'dating/getting to know you' that was presented to me. I wanted to turn the computer off, but heard that prompting "scroll down". I did. I found a place where I could form my own personal questions - HALLELUJAH! - here is what He prompted me to ask:
- Tell me about your faith walk
- What roll does Jesus Christ have in your day-to-day life
- Tell me about your worship
Well, that cleared the list down fairly quickly. You see, many folk claim to be Christian, and I believe they believe they are. They may have made a decision to ask Jesus into their lives, but then that was it. They may go to church regularly, but on a day to day basis they live life as everyone else on the planet. They may truly love God, but their lives do not reflect Him as their first priority and for me that IS the ONLY thing worth anything in my life. If I were to get together with someone, we would need to be able to come alongside one another in complete surrender of our lives in ministry unto the Lord. God always had to come first!
There was one 'match' that truly did match up line per line . . . but . . . he had so many negative comments about himself and no photo posted anywhere (not that looks matter to me) that I was beginning to wonder if he was a cross between Frankenstein and the Hunchback of Notre Dame! Every question I asked, he responded in kind. However, I was still not too keen on the idea of being with anyone and wanted to quit, but again, I heard my Lord whisper, "trust Me daughter", so I kept on. By February we were emailing directly to one another - he even send me a CD and a card (which still hangs in our bathroom today) about faith and trusting in the wait for Valentines Day.
By March our communication began to grow to daily through emails and phone calls. He finally had his niece take a photo of him by a tree and I said, "That's it?! What was the big deal?!"
By the end of March we KNEW we were to be married. BUT THEN . . . All of a sudden there was silence. For three days . . . nothing . . . no email, no call . . . just silence. |
I remember crying out to God in frustration (verging on anger, if I'm being completely honest here), "Lord, this is why I did NOT want to come here (eHarmony)! That is what I knew would happen . . . if I let myself even get a glimmer of hope about having a true and loving relationship with anyone . . . URRRGH!!!! Why?! I do not want the pain of another 'what if'! Then, I heard my Lord's whisper once again, "Daughter, trust Me!" So once again I did not hit the delete key. I chose to obediently wait.
On the morning of the fourth or fifth day I received an email from Francisco Hill which said, "I'll call you when I get home from work, I have some incredible news."
On the morning of the fourth or fifth day I received an email from Francisco Hill which said, "I'll call you when I get home from work, I have some incredible news."
Frank:
Meeting other women on the web was so exciting! I had not dated or even considered that I could measure up to any woman because I did not look normal. That shot gun blast completely deformed my normal facial features. (and my prideful self-confidence). Children in public would stare and very often even point at me. It was so painful to endure being ostracized like this. Even some adults would not or could not look at me directly.
With this kind of baggage I was afraid to post a photo of myself so that these ladies I was meeting could see what I looked like. My self-perception was so that I even hated looking at my own photos! (how much I blamed God I do not really know, but I sure hated myself for what I did) On the one hand I was so lonely and needing feminine company, but on the other I was equally afraid of rejection. In every day interactions with others who I worked with this was never an issue; not that I was able to discern anyway. But even here there was a distinct aura of prejudice because I refused to completely accept their worldliness and take part in their blasphemous attitudes. They would take a step back as if to take a better measurement of me. As if to wonder if I was serious, and of course I was. Very serious. And very unhappy.
On the computer I tried to hint at that I was not very handsome, but I imagine that I was doing much worse in relaying more negative images than if I had just posted a photo. I danced all around at excuses why I couldn't post a photo. Somehow a couple ladies still seemed interested in continuing our acquaintance which greatly encouraged me. But only one was actually interested to pursue my overtures through to meeting in person. She convinced me that my appearance was secondary in importance because character trumped that. I was sure of my honorable intentions so I posted a photo finally. And Karin was fine with that. Let us move on.
Oh, oh. Suddenly the reality that we would meet face to face and that moreover I would have to make good on my vows to God gave me pause. Was I ready to take this step? Making a mental list of the pros and cons it was obvious God was answering me at my deepest point of need. Shortly afterward I began confiding with my co-workers and it was plain as nose on my face that I was falling in love. They smiled a lot and said to me to go for it. Karin and I regularly spoke on the phone and sent texts to each other. Finally, I knew I needed to let my mother know of my plans. She couldn't believe it. Such an idea of meeting somebody on the internet and then considering marriage without ever having really met in person was (I thought it was incredibly wonderful!). She asked me to let her speak with her sister in Mexico who would fast and pray about this woman who I was preparing to leave my home for and to marry. Not only my home but I had been working at a company which had been paying me more money than I had every earned. I was being crazy about this, wasn't I?
So for three days I did not call or text or have any communication with Karin while my aunt and mother prayed and asked God for direction for me and this (Wow! What do you call such a thing?) Poor Karin had no idea what was going on, she called and left messages. Sent me emails and texts. I only kept silent and prayed she would not end our communications. Finally, my aunt and mother compared notes and my aunt said, yes, I was in God's will in this. See this lady was “God's handmaiden.” Those were her words to describe my sweet Karin. I had not shared with either of them that Karin regularly signed off her emails to me, “handmaiden of the Lord”. Wow!
With this kind of baggage I was afraid to post a photo of myself so that these ladies I was meeting could see what I looked like. My self-perception was so that I even hated looking at my own photos! (how much I blamed God I do not really know, but I sure hated myself for what I did) On the one hand I was so lonely and needing feminine company, but on the other I was equally afraid of rejection. In every day interactions with others who I worked with this was never an issue; not that I was able to discern anyway. But even here there was a distinct aura of prejudice because I refused to completely accept their worldliness and take part in their blasphemous attitudes. They would take a step back as if to take a better measurement of me. As if to wonder if I was serious, and of course I was. Very serious. And very unhappy.
On the computer I tried to hint at that I was not very handsome, but I imagine that I was doing much worse in relaying more negative images than if I had just posted a photo. I danced all around at excuses why I couldn't post a photo. Somehow a couple ladies still seemed interested in continuing our acquaintance which greatly encouraged me. But only one was actually interested to pursue my overtures through to meeting in person. She convinced me that my appearance was secondary in importance because character trumped that. I was sure of my honorable intentions so I posted a photo finally. And Karin was fine with that. Let us move on.
Oh, oh. Suddenly the reality that we would meet face to face and that moreover I would have to make good on my vows to God gave me pause. Was I ready to take this step? Making a mental list of the pros and cons it was obvious God was answering me at my deepest point of need. Shortly afterward I began confiding with my co-workers and it was plain as nose on my face that I was falling in love. They smiled a lot and said to me to go for it. Karin and I regularly spoke on the phone and sent texts to each other. Finally, I knew I needed to let my mother know of my plans. She couldn't believe it. Such an idea of meeting somebody on the internet and then considering marriage without ever having really met in person was (I thought it was incredibly wonderful!). She asked me to let her speak with her sister in Mexico who would fast and pray about this woman who I was preparing to leave my home for and to marry. Not only my home but I had been working at a company which had been paying me more money than I had every earned. I was being crazy about this, wasn't I?
So for three days I did not call or text or have any communication with Karin while my aunt and mother prayed and asked God for direction for me and this (Wow! What do you call such a thing?) Poor Karin had no idea what was going on, she called and left messages. Sent me emails and texts. I only kept silent and prayed she would not end our communications. Finally, my aunt and mother compared notes and my aunt said, yes, I was in God's will in this. See this lady was “God's handmaiden.” Those were her words to describe my sweet Karin. I had not shared with either of them that Karin regularly signed off her emails to me, “handmaiden of the Lord”. Wow!
Karin:
So, I waited for his call . . . I almost didn't want to answer when the phone rang at the appointed time . . . but, again, I heard my Lord speaking into my spirit, "Daughter, trust Me!" . . . I answered . . .
Mercy! He was speaking SO fast I hardly understood him (he does have a slight speech impediment from the gunshot). I asked him to slow down and start over. He apologized, and did. Apparently his mother and aunt (his mother by him in Texas, his aunt in Mexico) felt lead to fast and pray, seeking God to see if this was 'okay' - Frank and me. This relationship that developed ever so quickly, sight unseen, both of us feeling so sure in our spirits that this was what God was directing for our lives, seemed fine to both of us, but to outsiders? Well, I can't say I blame them for wanting to pray about it. I know I sure was! (arguing with God might be a better term . . . ) but to have him promise to not have any contact with me during their time of seeking was really not very nice.
Anyway, I'm getting off the subject. When he told me that they BOTH got the same answer, and then when he told me the exact wording they both used - "you can trust her, she is His handmaiden" - well, I broke down, and admitted to the Lord, "Okay, I'm sorry, I guess this really IS you!" I have signed my letters "In His love, I remain His handmaiden" for YEARS and YEARS. They had no idea . . . but God used this phrase (with BOTH of them) to let me KNOW that this was His plan for me.
So, we began making plans for Frank to come up to Illinois in May when he had his vacation. To 'meet' me. To meet with my adopted family. To meet with my pastor. To put in applications here and there searching for a job when he would move up there and we became husband and wife.
We continued our 'long distance relationship' with numerous emails and LONG phone calls every single day. It was amazing! We loved the same music. We studied the same books. We spoke for hours about Scripture and It's impact on our lives. We spoke about our lives - the good, the bad and the ugly - we decided up front to be completely open and honest with one another about EVERYTHING because we had both been 'around the block' before, we were older, and the MOST important thing to both of us was that Jesus Christ be Lord over all - including our relationship.
One night (about 3 am - that seems to be when God likes to wake me up and talk to me about important things) the Lord woke me up and said, "Daughter, what ties does Frank have in Texas?" I thought, hmm . . . family, work, church . . . okay. Then He said, "and what ties do you have here (in Illinois)?" I thought, hmm, well, my adopted family, but I've had relationship with them at a distance for years...my church, but although we've had a relationship for years off and on as travel permitted, I was till a fairly 'new' member...Mariah ... oh wait, she's not here YET... "Okay, Lord, I understand." Let me explain something here. Since Frank's 'incident' and all this skin grafts he has had to have, cold weather physically HURTS him, and Illinois was very, VERY cold. I went back to sleep and a little after 8:00 am I got on the phone with a facility only 23 minutes away from where Frank lived. They would have Mariah come down for a visit, and determine if it was a good fit (which they felt it would, and so did I) they would take her. So, that done, I popped Frank an email asking him to call me the moment he got home!
Mercy! He was speaking SO fast I hardly understood him (he does have a slight speech impediment from the gunshot). I asked him to slow down and start over. He apologized, and did. Apparently his mother and aunt (his mother by him in Texas, his aunt in Mexico) felt lead to fast and pray, seeking God to see if this was 'okay' - Frank and me. This relationship that developed ever so quickly, sight unseen, both of us feeling so sure in our spirits that this was what God was directing for our lives, seemed fine to both of us, but to outsiders? Well, I can't say I blame them for wanting to pray about it. I know I sure was! (arguing with God might be a better term . . . ) but to have him promise to not have any contact with me during their time of seeking was really not very nice.
Anyway, I'm getting off the subject. When he told me that they BOTH got the same answer, and then when he told me the exact wording they both used - "you can trust her, she is His handmaiden" - well, I broke down, and admitted to the Lord, "Okay, I'm sorry, I guess this really IS you!" I have signed my letters "In His love, I remain His handmaiden" for YEARS and YEARS. They had no idea . . . but God used this phrase (with BOTH of them) to let me KNOW that this was His plan for me.
So, we began making plans for Frank to come up to Illinois in May when he had his vacation. To 'meet' me. To meet with my adopted family. To meet with my pastor. To put in applications here and there searching for a job when he would move up there and we became husband and wife.
We continued our 'long distance relationship' with numerous emails and LONG phone calls every single day. It was amazing! We loved the same music. We studied the same books. We spoke for hours about Scripture and It's impact on our lives. We spoke about our lives - the good, the bad and the ugly - we decided up front to be completely open and honest with one another about EVERYTHING because we had both been 'around the block' before, we were older, and the MOST important thing to both of us was that Jesus Christ be Lord over all - including our relationship.
One night (about 3 am - that seems to be when God likes to wake me up and talk to me about important things) the Lord woke me up and said, "Daughter, what ties does Frank have in Texas?" I thought, hmm . . . family, work, church . . . okay. Then He said, "and what ties do you have here (in Illinois)?" I thought, hmm, well, my adopted family, but I've had relationship with them at a distance for years...my church, but although we've had a relationship for years off and on as travel permitted, I was till a fairly 'new' member...Mariah ... oh wait, she's not here YET... "Okay, Lord, I understand." Let me explain something here. Since Frank's 'incident' and all this skin grafts he has had to have, cold weather physically HURTS him, and Illinois was very, VERY cold. I went back to sleep and a little after 8:00 am I got on the phone with a facility only 23 minutes away from where Frank lived. They would have Mariah come down for a visit, and determine if it was a good fit (which they felt it would, and so did I) they would take her. So, that done, I popped Frank an email asking him to call me the moment he got home!
Frank:
Without ever holding hands or seeing one another in person Karin and I knew that God was going to bless our marriage. We knew because we both understood and believed that as we obeyed His Word God's grace would enable us to overcome any obstacles or attacks. Two complete strangers with a love for God and a determination to exalt Him above anything else in our lives were going to begin sharing our lives as a man and wife because we knew that God was true to His Word. We shared a united faith in believing God's Word to be the truth which would guide our lives as we went forward in this adventure. There was no turning back unless either of us might be willing to deny our faith in God. As mature Christians who had been serving God for as long as we had that possibility was most unlikely.
Honestly, however, I wondered at how faithful could/ would God be? For Karin's faith I had no doubt, because she had by this time been in full time ministry for a number of years. My Christian witness on the other hand was as crooked as a piece of warped wood left out in the rain too long. The only thing I was sure of was my willingness to obey God's leading and that as His Spirit had been strengthening me in quitting cigarettes His grace would also equip me to do anything else I had to do in order for me to love Karin without reservations – any at all! As I rode the Amtrak to Saint Louis on my way meet Karin for the first time I prayed believing God would do what He had not been able to do for too long. (or better, what I was not willing to do) I was going to vow to love my bride and to reserve myself to her faithfully for the rest of my days. Accordingly, I was promising God to love Him faithfully also. I was going to do something which only His Spirit within me could do. I believed He could do this because this had been my first promise to Him back when I first signed on to eHarmony. I would begin to delight myself in Him and God was going to give to me the deep desire of my heart for a devoted Christian wife, and for a real meaningful relationship with Him!
Of course, Karin knew none of these secret plans of mine. That was okay, however, because as the man of this marriage I could take such liberties. As long as I loved his handmaiden and took care to cherish her, she did not not have to know of my secret with our Lord, did she?
At her church that last Sunday before we would return to San Antonio and be married to me, she sang a song which pierced me to my soul. She let me know that she, too, was making a “deal” with our God. She sang farewell to her church family and assured them that all was going to be well with her.This is the song she sang:
Where He Leads - Twila Paris (from the album "My Utmost for His Highest"
There's a great broad through the meadow,
and many travel there. But I have a gentle Shepherd
I would follow anywhere.
Up a narrow path, through the mountains
to the valley far below
to be ever in His presence, where He leads me I will go.
There are many wondrous voices,
day and night they fill the air,
but there is one so small and quiet I would know it anywhere,
in the city or in the wilderness, there's a ringing crystal clear,
to ever close beside Him, when He calls me I will hear, when He calls me I will hear.
Where He leads me I will follow, when He calls me I will hear,
Where He leads me I will follow, when He calls me I will hear.
There is a great big road to nowhere,
and so many travel there, but I have a gentle shepherd,
I would follow anywhere.
Though the journey take me far away
from the place I call my home,
to be ever in His presence where He leads me I will go.
Where He leads me I will go. Where He leads me I . . . will go.
This song was also confirmation to me that God was orchestrating everything about this. Here were two of his devoted followers secretly praying for this blessing on this union. Each of not knowing anything, really, about the other except what we had professed through our words. But it is here where God begins to work; what we profess with our mouths gives Him the power to work according to those hopes and promises.
Later Karin and I met with her pastor to see if he would bless us before we left. He listened carefully to all of our story and to our promises to each other and to God. Still, such a thing as what we were planning is unprecedented. He had counseled other couples considering marriage, but in each instance he was able to get to know the people involved and to see if they were mature enough in their faith and if their love for each other was genuine. We would be leaving the next day. He put up his hands and said he could only pray for us and for God's protection. He could not bless us for our plans. That was not unexpected, and we thanked him and we all prayed together.
Honestly, however, I wondered at how faithful could/ would God be? For Karin's faith I had no doubt, because she had by this time been in full time ministry for a number of years. My Christian witness on the other hand was as crooked as a piece of warped wood left out in the rain too long. The only thing I was sure of was my willingness to obey God's leading and that as His Spirit had been strengthening me in quitting cigarettes His grace would also equip me to do anything else I had to do in order for me to love Karin without reservations – any at all! As I rode the Amtrak to Saint Louis on my way meet Karin for the first time I prayed believing God would do what He had not been able to do for too long. (or better, what I was not willing to do) I was going to vow to love my bride and to reserve myself to her faithfully for the rest of my days. Accordingly, I was promising God to love Him faithfully also. I was going to do something which only His Spirit within me could do. I believed He could do this because this had been my first promise to Him back when I first signed on to eHarmony. I would begin to delight myself in Him and God was going to give to me the deep desire of my heart for a devoted Christian wife, and for a real meaningful relationship with Him!
Of course, Karin knew none of these secret plans of mine. That was okay, however, because as the man of this marriage I could take such liberties. As long as I loved his handmaiden and took care to cherish her, she did not not have to know of my secret with our Lord, did she?
At her church that last Sunday before we would return to San Antonio and be married to me, she sang a song which pierced me to my soul. She let me know that she, too, was making a “deal” with our God. She sang farewell to her church family and assured them that all was going to be well with her.This is the song she sang:
Where He Leads - Twila Paris (from the album "My Utmost for His Highest"
There's a great broad through the meadow,
and many travel there. But I have a gentle Shepherd
I would follow anywhere.
Up a narrow path, through the mountains
to the valley far below
to be ever in His presence, where He leads me I will go.
There are many wondrous voices,
day and night they fill the air,
but there is one so small and quiet I would know it anywhere,
in the city or in the wilderness, there's a ringing crystal clear,
to ever close beside Him, when He calls me I will hear, when He calls me I will hear.
Where He leads me I will follow, when He calls me I will hear,
Where He leads me I will follow, when He calls me I will hear.
There is a great big road to nowhere,
and so many travel there, but I have a gentle shepherd,
I would follow anywhere.
Though the journey take me far away
from the place I call my home,
to be ever in His presence where He leads me I will go.
Where He leads me I will go. Where He leads me I . . . will go.
This song was also confirmation to me that God was orchestrating everything about this. Here were two of his devoted followers secretly praying for this blessing on this union. Each of not knowing anything, really, about the other except what we had professed through our words. But it is here where God begins to work; what we profess with our mouths gives Him the power to work according to those hopes and promises.
Later Karin and I met with her pastor to see if he would bless us before we left. He listened carefully to all of our story and to our promises to each other and to God. Still, such a thing as what we were planning is unprecedented. He had counseled other couples considering marriage, but in each instance he was able to get to know the people involved and to see if they were mature enough in their faith and if their love for each other was genuine. We would be leaving the next day. He put up his hands and said he could only pray for us and for God's protection. He could not bless us for our plans. That was not unexpected, and we thanked him and we all prayed together.
Karin:

To say that he was ecstatic about the prospect of me coming to Texas would be an understatement. So, May 1st 2009 I made plans to pick him up at the St Louis train station. We decided to both wear green (a favorite color of both of ours). I sat and waited, a wee bit anxiously I must admit. I did bring along a book, but certainly could not actually read, so many thoughts going through my head - mostly desperate prayers asking God - "Are YOU sure about this?! Do you REALLY want me to go to Texas with this man?!" to which I heard, once again, "Trust me, daughter."
When I had asked one of the workers if they would take my photo on this very life altering occasion, sharing with them the reason, they gave me a wide variety of looks to say the least. Some thought I should turn around and go home, others were laughing at me, and a one 'ah, how sweet' - that person took this photo.
When I had asked one of the workers if they would take my photo on this very life altering occasion, sharing with them the reason, they gave me a wide variety of looks to say the least. Some thought I should turn around and go home, others were laughing at me, and a one 'ah, how sweet' - that person took this photo.

The announcement of Frank's train arriving turned the butterflies in my stomach into huge vulture wings flapping frantically. I got up and walked over towards the tunnel like hallway where I started looking for a man in a green shirt that looked like the photo I had seen.
I heard an uneven gait of footsteps, I looked and saw him for the first time, my heart melted, I could see the happiness upon him, and I heard my Abba Father speaking to my heart about His plans, His promises and my trusting Him.
We greeted one another and went for coffee to talk face to face for the very first time.
As Frank only has one eye and no tear ducts, he often has to wipe his eye with a handkerchief. When he took off his glasses, wiped his eye, and looked up at me I was astounded....I said to him, "I saw you 10 years ago!" The Lord had shown me him many years prior to our meeting. I do not remember what the context of that was, but I did remember him and the timing. Strange but fascinating.
From the coffee house we went to my friends (an older couple from church that had allowed me to say in an apartment attached to their home, as they lived very close to the church and I was very involved there). Frank was going to stay over with them yet we could have much time to talk as the door opened to my apartment from their place.
The next day we went to meet with my pastor. He did NOT believe in short relationship marriages - in fact - he required at least a year long engagement - however, he did agree to meet with us. After a good two hours of our sharing our story with him, sharing our hearts for service to the Lord as a couple, he DID give us his blessing.
That afternoon we met with other friends, finishing up with a wonderful dinner at my adopted folks home. (Absolutely everyone told him the same thing, "Be good to her, take good care of her, or you'll answer to me!" It began to get embarrassing to me, as the same words were spoken again and again throughout our stop in Arkansas so he could meet more 'family' and my daughter.)
The following day was Sunday, Frank fell in love with my church family, and they had mixed feelings about the quickness of everything, but trusted my faith walk enough to believe that I had heard from the Lord and that I was in His hands. I sang a song of farewell to my beloved congregation and then we began the big project of getting everything that I was going to take down sorted, packed and put onto the rental trailer. Then on Monday the 4th we left for Arkansas. I had left my daughter there and wanted her to meet with Frank (since he'd be her new "papa") and also my other adopted family (my ministry partner's family had become my own) Once again, he was bombarded with my family and friends telling him to 'take care of her, or else" . . . poor thing . . . what must he have thought?!
We stayed there a couple of days, and when he got to meet Mariah it was instant love on both sides - I could not have asked for a better meeting! I heard then from my Abba Father, "See, my daughter, I many wonderful things ahead, trust me." When we left there we drove through storms to reach his home. We arrived in the evening, so it was already dark, nothing unpacked except my pajamas. I remember vividly his mother's words to me after we embraced hello - before letting me go, she held me at arms length and said, "I saw you 10 years ago!" I felt like Mary where the gospel of Luke tells us that she "pondered all these things in her heart".
The next day, the 8th was full. I saw Frank's apartment for the first time - a typical bachelor pad (a MESS) - which I promptly spend a few hours putting in order. Then it was time to get my hair and nails done for our wedding the next day. His sister-in-law and niece treated me wonderfully in preparation for our wedding. A second night was spent on the floor in my soon to be mother-in-law's room, and I remember praying that I wouldn't be too sore to walk down the aisle!
We had heard a song by The Newsboys, "When God Made You" which we immediately KNEW had to be done at our ceremony. The words were perfect!
4-Given Ministries Prays
|
Contact UsSubscribeJoin our mailing list today!
|